Dear Diary, Saying good-bye…

My family is here today,
but the hordes of drugs
pumped into me
to lessen death's pains
stupefy me, cloud my mind.
I am unsure of who is here
As faces blur, voices fade,
but their love embraces me,
their tears, their grief
touch my heart, break it apart.
I'm sorry.
Did I tell them I loved them?

Now dreams share
my days and nights
as one; memories unravel
and fill me with bittersweet
tears. I will never be
the mother of the bride
or celebrate gray hair
as the mark of wisdom
yet have held small hands
in mine as they first greeted
the world. Will they
hold mine when I leave?

I try to count
my new veins that protrude
from various locations.
It passes what time
is left in my days. I feel
my soul yearn for release
as I struggle wearily to breathe.
What relief it would be
to close my eyes, sleep at last,
but today they still need me.
How do I help them to let go?

Copyright 2001